I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
