we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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