so explain again why im purple
no
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
