i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
