You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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