Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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