Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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