I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
