pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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