Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
