12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
