I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
