Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
