Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
