In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
