everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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