so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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