Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
