lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
