I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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