Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
