omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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