and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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