She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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