Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
