At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
jump out the window naked night went bad
We smell like vodka and hangover
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