i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
