you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
