my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
