Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
