Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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