Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
