I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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