I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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