Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
