There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
