is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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