Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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