i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
