i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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