I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
