throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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