There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
