Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
