If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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