So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
