Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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