so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
a search helicopter?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
