My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
