Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
