You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
