Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
