Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
