She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
