they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
