You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
