There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
