Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
