Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it's like iHOP with fire
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
